Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wonders why we can't just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?

   Finally I'm not being harassed by my family or coworkers for listening to Christmas Music. It was rough back in July.

   Our first child came at the end of the month so we named him Bill.

   The only people I trust are the ones that like big butts; they can not lie

   First they came for the communists and I didn't speak out. Since then everything's been pretty good, plus no communists!

   I found the G spot. It's at the end of "shopping."

   Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.

   Ugh....Human Beings. I wish my leaders gave me fair warning about this place before they dropped me off here.

   in a personal vacation inside my head

   I won't stand for gossip. I prefer to sit down and make myself comfortable.

   I'm not on Team Edward or Team Jacob. I'm on Team Buffy!

   why is the butter always in the back of the fridge??

   The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music...

   Good morning! Looks like you need a shot of wake the fok up!?

   If your Mexican, iFeliz Cinco de Mayo!. If you are Latin-American, Happy Cinco de Mayo! If you are none of these cultures, Happy Wednesday

   Obama's Ultimatum to BP: Clean Up Spill Or I Will Say A$$ Again

   A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

   So gingivitis isn't the fear of redheads?

   Nothing witty to be posted.....(wait for it).....today :|

   it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?