Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   did it all for the nookie

   Can you imagine how painful walking would be if we all had foot balls?

   [censored]

   My teeth are so white, they had slaves in the 1800s.

   Ahh Easter Sunday, when catholics actually go to church then pretend all year they are religious..

   "FOX NEWS- Rich People Paying Rich People To Tell Middle Class People To Blame Poor People. "

   I booked into a hotel last night. I said to the receptionist, I hope the porn channel is disabled? She said "NO" it's regular porn you sicko.

   loves the Daisy air rifle he got for Christmas and is anxiously awaiting the first Jehovah's Witness to come to the door!

   Pencer must have done a great job last night. cause that's all the dumasscrats could talk about this morning on the lib news.

   ***News Alert*** Michelle Obama is stunned her husband didn't win Best Actor.

   Even though God is my co-pilot..... He also, is on the "no-fly" list.. Thanks Sadly, to His ties to several extremist groups..... You jerks

   doing what her rice crispies tell her to....

   I stepped in a big pile of Obama at the dog park this morning.

   C)-hrist gave H)-imself as a R)-eward so that I)-ndividuals know the S)-acrifices T)-hat he made for M)-ankind to A)-chieve the gift of S)-alvation.”

   Hillary lost, get over yourselves....

   Wish that the media was more interested in Hillary's emails than Tom Brady's deflated balls

   Trump Unfit? Obama entered office without any successful executive experience .... and after Eight Years in Office ..... Will leave .... in the same way .....

   Going to MacDonalds for a Salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.

   gathering Volcanic Ash to throw at you

   I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday.