Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 3618 of 6453

   messageicon I'm going to be blunt and straight to the point here...people are stupid..
←Rate | 02-15-2011 13:13 by slapshot1343 Comments (0)  


   messageicon couldn't get a girl even if he bathed in chocolate and wore clothes made of $1,000 bills
←Rate | 02-17-2011 18:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wouldn't wanna be around when one of the guys from ZZ Top eats an egg salad sandwich.
←Rate | 02-20-2011 03:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes, I pretend my curling iron is a lightsaber.
←Rate | 02-27-2011 05:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon gas is costing me a arm an a leg, if it hit 5 dollars I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to walk.. .
←Rate | 02-28-2011 21:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well well well Mr. Sun, It's about time your lazy a$$ showed up for work!!
←Rate | 07-01-2011 14:39 by CJ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am the guy who breaks the link in chain letters without even giving a rat's a$$.
←Rate | 07-21-2011 06:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most cocaine addicts don't even like cocaine, they just use it as an excuse to put dollar bills up their nose.
←Rate | 07-22-2011 14:01 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you pretend 7am is the new happy hour, getting up early isn't all that bad anymore.
←Rate | 07-28-2011 12:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon you are probably not as cool as you think, if you use the word "HELLA" trying to make a funny comment!
←Rate | 08-01-2011 20:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I said.." I want a friend with benefits"..not "a friend on benefits"
←Rate | 10-06-2011 10:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mark your calendar - Valentines weekend, 2013. Die Hard 5: A Good Day to Die Hard.
←Rate | 10-12-2011 15:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The brain is the most important organ you have...According to the brain.
←Rate | 10-14-2011 05:00 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon Any time there is large scale civil disorder, it makes one realize the extent to which society is based on consensus and trust.
←Rate | 08-10-2011 19:47 by @twittername Comments (0)  


   messageicon If in our righteous endeavors to protect and keep what we love and value, we attack and demoralize those whom peacefully choose a different path, do we become no less than the entity that we are standing against?
←Rate | 08-11-2011 20:49 by SHart Comments (0)  


   messageicon I forget to renew my AVG anti-virus subscription and then next thing I know I've got a cold....well played, AVG, well played....
←Rate | 08-12-2011 10:20 by Nebulith Comments (0)  


   messageicon He doesn't want to believe that someone as horrible as Gaddafi could have a comeback, but hell, the Smurfs did it. 
←Rate | 08-24-2011 09:55 by hoosiergatorfan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do people at a busy bar never know what they want to drink when the bartender gets to them? I've known since yesterday.
←Rate | 08-28-2011 07:53 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon has been sitting outside with a cooler all day and has not seen one Veloc-raptor....
←Rate | 05-21-2011 18:06 by @gnarleycharley Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thankfully, I don't suffer from homophobia. I do however, suffer from homophonia (irrational fear of words that sound the same but have different meanings).
←Rate | 06-03-2011 09:36 by Jim Sikes Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left