Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3618 of 6453

I'm going to be blunt and straight to the point here...people are stupid..

couldn't get a girl even if he bathed in chocolate and wore clothes made of $1,000 bills
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02-17-2011 18:00
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I wouldn't wanna be around when one of the guys from ZZ Top eats an egg salad sandwich.
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02-20-2011 03:13
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Sometimes, I pretend my curling iron is a lightsaber.
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02-27-2011 05:48
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gas is costing me a arm an a leg, if it hit 5 dollars I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to walk.. .
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02-28-2011 21:12
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Well well well Mr. Sun, It's about time your lazy a$$ showed up for work!!
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07-01-2011 14:39 by CJ
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I am the guy who breaks the link in chain letters without even giving a rat's a$$.
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07-21-2011 06:20
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Most cocaine addicts don't even like cocaine, they just use it as an excuse to put dollar bills up their nose.

If you pretend 7am is the new happy hour, getting up early isn't all that bad anymore.
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07-28-2011 12:22
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you are probably not as cool as you think, if you use the word "HELLA" trying to make a funny comment!
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08-01-2011 20:41
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I said.." I want a friend with benefits"..not "a friend on benefits"
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10-06-2011 10:42
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Mark your calendar - Valentines weekend, 2013. Die Hard 5: A Good Day to Die Hard.
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10-12-2011 15:26
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The brain is the most important organ you have...According to the brain.
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10-14-2011 05:00 by g0re
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Any time there is large scale civil disorder, it makes one realize the extent to which society is based on consensus and trust.

If in our righteous endeavors to protect and keep what we love and value, we attack and demoralize those whom peacefully choose a different path, do we become no less than the entity that we are standing against?
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08-11-2011 20:49 by SHart
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I forget to renew my AVG anti-virus subscription and then next thing I know I've got a cold....well played, AVG, well played....
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08-12-2011 10:20 by Nebulith
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He doesn't want to believe that someone as horrible as Gaddafi could have a comeback, but hell, the Smurfs did it.

Why do people at a busy bar never know what they want to drink when the bartender gets to them? I've known since yesterday.

has been sitting outside with a cooler all day and has not seen one Veloc-raptor....

Thankfully, I don't suffer from homophobia. I do however, suffer from homophonia (irrational fear of words that sound the same but have different meanings).
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06-03-2011 09:36 by Jim Sikes
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