Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   doesnt understand why some ppl are so sensitive to words...I guess there must be an essence of guilt behind those words,,,Get over it

   ....Wants to share his yuletide log with his "special" friends.....

   First, God created idiots. That was just for practice. Then He created school boards.

   When something begins to grow in your toilet resembling seaweed, it does not make you an "eco-friendly champion of the environment," but it's a nice spin on your lack of housekeeping.

   Logged into my Orkut account after a long long time...Found 3 dead mice, a broken light bulb, shattered window pane and a few spider webs...

   so happy we finally landed on the moon!!

   thinking that the dude who invented the self cleaning oven was an underachiever. I am sure if he put his mind to it he could have came up with the self cleaning house.

   Its time for a "It was one of those kinda days at work today." beer.

   Facebook has allowed me to bring my "He's a distraction to the rest of the class" from grade school to a global scale.

   I think if a player wants more money because he "outplayed his contract", then pay him more if he hasn't been getting into trouble. But, put in a clause stating if he "under plays his contract" team able to reduce his pay accordingly. Injuries aside.

   I went to my proctologist and as I was bending over I heard him say "calm down Smith, calm down Smith" I looked back and told him "Doctor, my last name is Green, not Smith" and he said "I know, Smith is me"

   'u know what I'm sayin, you know what I'm sayin' -- No I dont know what the f**k your sayin !

   It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor as long as you have money.

   whenever you drop clothes on the ground and don't feel like bending down to pick it up so you just kick it up and catch it in the air

   be yourself...everyone else is taken

   You know what they say about a man and his feet, That's why I don't find my fear of being raped by a clown irrational.

   Hosni Mubarak should have listened to me when I told him to get rid of that Justin Bieber song from his i-pod playlist

   What happens on Facebook stays on Facebook! (and then gets sold to the government for everyone to see).

   I decided I'd like to get to know you all a lot better. Let's start with banking information. ;)

   alcohol may cause more deaths than AIDS, TB, and violence... but doesn't it make up for it with pregnancies?i