Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Yo Mama is so fat! She uses an iPad as an iPhone.

   I think Biden would be a hell of a Walmart door greeter.

   So if Jesus doesn't see his shadow when he comes out of his cave this Sunday, does that mean we get 2,000 more years of hell on earth?

   Wow Pepsi didnt put "Under God" on their new Pledge of Allegiance Can. They don't want to offend any one with the phrase. Well Pepsi I promise not to give you any coins or bills with "In God We Trust" on them. I dont want to offend you or anything.

   It's kinda funny how in 2010 and 2011 people were freaking out about 2012. Now it's 2 months from December and no one gives a crap

   I guess the Obama's need another vacation to Rio to take a break... Apparently picking all 4 #1 seeds in his March Madness bracket was just to much on him?? What a SLACKER!!!

   The man in front of me is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life, he wishes she sent him for tampons

   When I was born, I was given a choice - A big d**k.  or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose. 

   Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.

   Someone should come up with a cell phone charger extention cord.

   Hopefully, if there's any justice in the world, Zuckerberg will be seeing some jail time. What goes around, comes around, eh Zuck?

   If I was a reporter in Syria, I'd beheading home right now.

   Somewhere in Kenya, a village is missing it's idiot

   NASCAR - National Association of Stupid Cars And Rednecks

   When OBAMA said he is going to get the jobs back from China were the jobs swimming back to America, because it is taking awhile

   drawing graffiti on his wall "▄█▀ █▬█ █ ▀█▀". What do you think?

   The status you are trying to read cnnot be wiewed from your current country or location.

   counting it down..only 54749 days until Bernie Madoff gets out of Jail.

   When it comes to getting things done, we need fewer architects and more bricklayers

   wondering how much of a carbon footprint Nancy Pelosi et al left in Copenhagen and how much we taxpayers will have to pay for it!