Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Wonder when we will see the "Paul Walker" on The Walking Dead?

   What's with these atheists getting all snarky on us believers on Easter. We didn't give them a hard tome on April Fool's Day.

   Thank God Zimmerman's wife and father-in-law weren't wearing a Hoodie and didn't have any Skittles on them!

   Martial law is coming. Fight for your freedom. Fight for the right to live. Stop the New World Order.

   You know why Rednecks like it doggie style? So they can both watch Nascar together!!

   After the Lavar Ball incidence, I now understand why Trump hates blacks.

   When gays hack into their gay mate's facebook accounts, do they change the status to, “I'M STRAIGHT AND I LOVE EATING PU$$Y!”?

   Ladies, pay attention ... sperm is made up of anger, stress, and anxiety ... best way to keep a man happy is to rid them of this negativity ... regularly!!!

   I got a Taser today... ...and a kitten to replace the neighbor's cat that died in a totally unrelated incident.

   " For It was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. It was not my hand you held but my love. "

   If adam and eve weree only people god made Wouldn't that mean we are all related?

   going to the dark side...they have candy

   I'm glad I have work today. Who wants to celebrate Presidents' Day with this dude in office? In any case, happy bday month to George and Abe. You guys were pretty awesome.

   How great would it be if Justin Bieber and all of the Kardashians started flying on Malaysian Airlines?

   My GPS says "Estimated time of Arrival." I see "Time to Beat." Game on.

   You can't fight terro0rism with patience." You fight illiterate-ignora-nt-reci-.sists, "by going in there and killing them. Every. Last. One of them."

   I would go to Hell but Satan has that restraining order

   (̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~ ~ Is Bad For Your Health

   When I get rich the first thing I'm going to do is to buy a new butt, because the one I have now has a crack in it.

   so I guess it's officially ok now, when you use a condom, to refer to it as "the pope hat"