Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Trying to understand quantum physics, because trying to understand women is just too damn hard.

   Reporting on your own superheroic activity while in your secret identity as a reporter is an ethics violation, MR. KENT.

   Hopefully Don Cornelius really is on the Soul Train to Heaven...

   THIS IS A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY ALERT SYSTEM I'm out of beer.

   Why was Jimmy cracking corn anyways? The microwave is much faster.

   Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

   I don't like what this diet is doing to my relationship with pie.

   If I can`t easily reach what I dropped…I begin to justify why I don`t need it.

   instagram... making girls all over the world look better than they are, damn iPhone

   "Find your ideal partner on Facebook!" No thanks, I can safely say that one quality I am not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm.

   The entire French language is a choking hazzard.

   A semi-literate bear enthusiast will feel misled after clicking on the "grisly photo" link in Yahoo News Libya coverage.

   No one told me another rapture was scheduled for today! WTF, I'm not prepared.......

   I like to pretend that the girls who do the "duck face" in pics can beatbox real good

   this Sunday we all get to travel back in time just like Marty McFly.

   Don't feel bad Westerners, somewhere there is a Chinese kid in an American restaurant struggling with a knife & fork.

   off to the voting booth. Bigfoot prepare to get elected.

   Why do morons think they can disguise their stupidity by acting like smart asses?

   Ask your girlfriend if she wants to go dancing. If she laughs at you, she's a keeper.

   I distrust Camels and anyone else who can go 1 week without a drink.