Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Sorry I sneezed cocaine on your baby. 
TSA told me to report any suspicious activity, and they got mad when I told them I saw a black guy leaving a tip at one of the restaurant
Ladies, finding a man is easy. Just chill with the insecurities and talk less. Keeping a man is easy too. Learn to cook and scuk his dcik…
Wouldn't it be awesome if in Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 - the baby turns out to be Blade. And Wesley Snipes slaughters all those teenage vampires.
CNN just asked Joe Biden when he was going to pick a running mate, He told them he thought he already had.
I hate When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
Hey have you ever been to london,,,,,its a fU%&king RIOT..!!!
TODAY ON MAURY with Romney Results: When It comes to America, You are not the President!
I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching my car into reverse and driving away from the accident.
Your Girlfriend's not listening to you? There's a slap for that.
My last child support paymen is due tomorrow............I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it.
I am dressing as an extinct species for Halloween...a hard working black man.
MyWife: Remove my dress..Good.. Now slowly unhook my bra.. Nice..Take off my panties.. Mmm great......NOW DON'T EVER WEAR MY CLOTHES AGAIN!
Instead of Bruno Mars performing at the Super bowl it should be Mick Mars and Motley Crue.
I have over 500 FB friends but only 6 actual friends. And, I don't even like 2 of them…
Heaven is Where: the Police are British, the Chefs are Italian, the Mechanics are German, the Lovers are French and it's all organized by the Swiss.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Boy says to girl; "have you ever had a Australian kiss?" Girl says; "whats that?" Boy says; "it's like a french kiss, but down undaa."
The Beastie Boy's song, Paul Revere, is more historically accurate than what Sara Palin said about him. 