Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's Friday... Of course it's good : )

   You're not superstitious; you're super-stupid!

   I'm single by choice. Too bad the choice wasn't mine.

   I'm sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to order pizza and watch tv.

   I'm not addicted to alcohol. I`m just in an abusive relationship with it.

   If you expect a good comeback, come back later.

   Now..a cheaper way to express your love...----E-cards !

   I only go to strip clubs to beg the strippers to release and feed the goldfish in their heels.

   Frogs always look like they just found out there's no free Wi-Fi.

   There's no better feeling than proving someone wrong.

   Just realize its XXX Olympics. Why aren't the people naked when they get their medals??

   I've just spent the last 5 hours on mine craft accomplishing more than I ever will in real life

   All through their lives while raising my kids, I consistently told them that when they grow up they should “do what you love.” I probably should have also mentioned that they should run like hell as soon as they heard the sirens.

   15.Now that I finally remembered to write 2012 as the date, I need to start writing 2013.

   all you ladies look better after some beertox...

   I just got down with *OPP. *Other People's Pizza. Sorry, Meg in accounting.

   The best thing about being an a$$hole is never having to worry if people like you, because the answer is always 'yes'.

   I love it when she's hot for me, or just hot for someone and I happen to be there.

   I think we should replace the Marriage vow "`Til death do we part" with "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger".

   I alway realise that they're crazy way too late in the game.