Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's Facebook people. Don't put photos of sunsets or cartoons or pictures of you cat.......post a photo of YOU for cryin out loud as your profile (showing some cleavage isn't a bad thing either)

   There's something fishy about this cucumber I'm eating.......

   Dear whoever is reading this, you're beautiful and someone out there is crazy about you. So smile. Life is too short to be unhappy.

   Who the hell watches Ellen Degeneres? she's almost as funny as the death of an immediate family member.

   China just reported an earthquake... but it turns out it was just everyone cheering at once when Romney said he'd create 12 million jobs.

   Sarah Palin said, "Polls are for strippers." Cute. Guess what Grandma? Birth control pills are for teenagers.

   if a midget with down syndrome is running late, is it ok to call him a little tardy?

   Video killed the radio star and the union killed Twinkies!

   need a good reliable used car. Which dealership does Mitt work at? I hear he is a good salesman.

   FUN PRANK: Go to a Barnes & Noble, and put ALL of the Bibles in the SCI-FI Section...

   Why do we sleep in church, but stay awake through a 2 hour movie?? Why is it so hard to talk to God, but so easy to gossip??Jesus said "If you deny me in front of your friends, I will deny YOU in front of my Father.

   "going to snap, crackle, and pop your neck"

   divulging his mind in the complexities of t... ooo look a kitty

   "writing this to entertain the losers who take the time to actually read what others ""status"" is"

   Obama on - VA scandal: DIDN'T KNOW Benghazi security: DIDN'T KNOW Fast and Furious: DIDN'T KNOW Lose your doctor: DIDN'T KNOW Bin Laden hit: MASTERMIND

   Yeah, you're right dude. I totally can't tell you're fat anymore when you wear a t-shirt in the pool..

   A simple sign that reads "This is a bomb-free zone" would have prevented all this.

   Pls work on your lyrics Rihanna.. B'coz men hate it when you say the same things again and again. No wonder you got hit by Chris Brown.

   Fun facebook prank:Upload a blank black picture then tag your darkest black friend ....Have fun ;D

   What do you call a black girl under age 30 named Sarah? Identity thief."