Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Roses are Red! The Sun is Gold!....Now get on your knee's and do as you're told!!!

   Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and something called relationships.

   Mark Zuckerburg(sp) needs to stay out of politics . I just lost a lot of respect for him .

   This is 2011. Giving me $10 to cut your grass will get me as far as mowing "F**K YOU" in it.

   Bernie Sanders is proof that the Vietnam war took America's Best and Brightest

   ..forget subway..I got your five dollar foot long right here baby...

   laying in the road dressed as a deer

   "thinking life's allot like super Mario bros, gotta slay a few dragons to get to the princess"

   ...If you're a cowboy, and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

   The "Oprah Winfrey show" ends in 2011. No wonder the Americans think the world will end in 2012.

   Dear parent constantly bragging about your kid on Facebook, everybody else is rooting for your kid to fail.

   Hey Florida, if you need an Ark, I Noah guy!!

   make America Native again makes more sense, it was Never white and you know it, but denial tends to dominate your mind. go back to Europe. The more you disagree with this the more you prove your denial. Ready set go.

   "The Goddess that is Judge Judy"....said no one ever.

   Facebook is a lot like ancient Egypt - people writing on walls and worshiping cats

   you should only be able to change your relationship status once every 30 days!

   it sad that the plans I make after work depend on how much charge I have left in my phone battery?

   Guys, don't give a girl your attention or she'll lose interest. Also, if you don't give her attention someone else will. It's really simple.

   BJ’s after marriage are like Big Foot. Heard of but never seen…

   I came so hard earlier today my index finger is still bragging about it