Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
I really hate it when people say "that sucks" like it really makes the situation any better. 
Note to Self: Hang up phone BEFORE talking sh!t.
Team Edward? Team Jacob? How about Team Dracula....you pussies!
tHInks pEOPle WHo TyPE LikE thiS aRe retARDed.
thinks Bill Gates and Steve Jobs should be Santa Claus and forced to give us all presents
A braille porn magazine has been launched ths week - complete with explicit raised text and pictures. At least this is one time where looking at porn won't make you go blind.
I didn't call you Fred Flintstone because I thought you could make my bed rock!! ;-) I called you Fred Flintstone because that brick of a line was prehistoric!! ;-p Practice your game
wow just found out Jimmy Dean died! this is gotta be the wurst day ever...
Just remember the knight in shining armor just might be an idiot wrapped in tinfoil.
.... My girl friend keeps harping on me that a relationship is all about Truth and Honesty while at the same time tells me she is voting for Hillary!
The next vote should be whether she gets life in prison or a firing squad
says I made a starteling discovery this morning, apparently someone broke into my house last night and stole my "baggie" jeans from last year and replaced them with "skinny" jeans
I hate it when I'm at a fast food restaurant with friends and the dining room is empty...and the next couple that comes in has to sit at the table right next to you.
They call me Laxative coz I make sh*t happen.
for a second I thought an ogre and a donkey had crashed another royal wedding, but then I realized it was Camilla and Charles.
My wife walked into the den & asked "Whats on the tv?" I replied "Dust" .
Since when did "Paint By Numbers" make an EYEBROW kit?!?!?!
Goodnight I need to go to sleep early to be late for school tomorrow
That "No alcohol beyond this point" sign might as well say, "I bet you can't chug that whole beer!"...
aaah the weekend... drink triple, see double, act single. 