Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ya think Vampires eat Tampons like Cotton Candy????

   a blueberry muffin in a basket of bagels.

   optimusly Primed

   "Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools."

   i entered 10 puns in a contest to see which would win....no pun in ten did

   I have said it before and I will say it again. IT

   Sometimes you have to walk through a field of weeds to find the perfect marijuana.

   If days of the week were people, Mondays would be gingers

   put my phone to "Airplane Mode" and it told me not to call it Shirley.

   Scooby Doo taught us that the real monsters are humans.

   Bernie Sanders want to run the United States and he can't even operate a simple comb with no moving parts.

   I would like to wish all the atheists out there a very happy holiday! Have a fantastic April Fool's Day!

   Soccer would probably be a lot more popular in the USA if they put cheerleaders on the sidelines, ran with a football, and scored touchdowns

   The Detroit Lions have been getting killed for years and no one is protesting!!

   The whole resurrecting from the dead thing is too hard for kids to grasp. Egg sh*tting bunny? Yeah lets go with the egg sh*tting bunny.

   It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt

   I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask "Mother,what was war?" -Eva Merriam.

   Poor people never, or hardly ever, ask for an explanation of all they have to put up with. They hate one another, and content themselves with that.

   So, if 2 dudes marry, who gets to be the ungrateful, spoiled b!tch??

   Hey, Coca-Cola! I don't know how to be "less white", but I do know how to drink less Coke.