Funny Status Messages

   This alpha bits cereal that I spilled on the floor is still more coherent than anything out of Joe Biden's mouth

   Girls FB Account: 47 Friend Requests, 17 Messages, 31 Notifications..........Boys FB Account: 1 Notification.

   To the idiot below me, you may be right saying Franklin never flew a kite, because that's a myth. However, there is no myth about a nephew... dumb ass.

   If you didn't want me to do you then why were you saggin your pants?-Inmate 2541

   No matter how independent I am, I can never bang myself...So yes men, I still need you.

   It's Eminem's birthday. Happy birthday to the whitest black guy on the planet.

   You don't know pain until you've caught your pénis in your zipper.

   well that's about as frustrating as a Jehovah's Witness trying to tell a knock-knock joke.

   the Egypt uprising also Sarah Palin's fault?

   we got about 18 inches of "global warming" on the ground now...

   I was just asked to contribute money to help solve the civil unrest in egypt, but I suspect it;s some sort of pyramid scheme

   Been a week since I broke up with my girlfriend.. I need a new sandwich maker already or I'm going to starve to death.

   Everyday I cry in the shower and ask myself, was that Klondike bar really worth it?

   my knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil

   With that big gap between your 2 front teeth , I don't know wether to smile at you or to kick a goal.......

   Some moron gave me a banana for my birthday

   At the end of the day Tiger Woods is the guy we all want to be: $600 million, 75 Cars, Cute dogs, Hot Wife, 3 hotter girlfriends....Enough Said!

   reminding everyone to Not eat the yellow snow

   The Packers beat the Bears, I guess hunting season is officially over.

   Get a backbone and say NO if you don't want to do something, ignoring calls and texts is a cowards way out. Grow a pair!!!