Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I took some deer antler extract once. Made me horny...

   there a better way to let people in a bar know you're an a$$hole other than carrying around a motorcycle helmet?

   Dr King had a dream and Obama turned it into a nightmare

   When people ask why do I NEED a 30-round magazine for my gun, I say "Why did Rosa Parks NEED to sit at the front of the bus?" Because she had a right to do so. That's why.

   To any American who wants a better life, leave the country, denounce your US citizenship and come back as an illegal immigrant. . .

   lying in bed with my wife and whispers in her ear, "Hey, how would you like to play a nice little game of rape?" Taken back by the question, she loudly says "NO!". I man replied, "That's the spirit!"

   If airplane windows don't roll down, how does the pilot stick his head out the window to make sure his dog is okay?

   Obama was just on the air and clearly read from his teleprompter that he will now put his full concentration into the issue of JOBS! (for the 19th time).

   If money is the root of all evil, why do they ask for it in churches?

   How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue toast to the celing.

   What a beautiful country, shame about all the Libtards.

   This alpha bits cereal that I spilled on the floor is still more coherent than anything out of Joe Biden's mouth

   Girls FB Account: 47 Friend Requests, 17 Messages, 31 Notifications..........Boys FB Account: 1 Notification.

   To the idiot below me, you may be right saying Franklin never flew a kite, because that's a myth. However, there is no myth about a nephew... dumb ass.

   If you didn't want me to do you then why were you saggin your pants?-Inmate 2541

   You don't know pain until you've caught your pénis in your zipper.

   No matter how independent I am, I can never bang myself...So yes men, I still need you.

   It's Eminem's birthday. Happy birthday to the whitest black guy on the planet.

   well that's about as frustrating as a Jehovah's Witness trying to tell a knock-knock joke.

   the Egypt uprising also Sarah Palin's fault?