Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Dear automatic toilet,,,, I appeciate your enthusiasm,, but I wasn't done yet... 
I'm going as a undecided voter this year.I'm going to be the one to pick out everyone's candy for the next 4 years.my candy choice will be made on little facts and zero intellectual reasons,leaving everyone to have terrible candy for 4 years.
Every day is independence day when you are single!
Women are like headphones, you get a lot of static if you put it in the wrong hole.
Girls put you in the friend zone but forget they need a ride to work. Nah ho
Sean Hannity: "Do you have any regrets of specific actions you did on that February night?" George Zimmerman: "No...I feel that it was all God's plan and for me to second guess or judge it...No sir" Me: (facepalm)
Today's fun: Knock on random doors and say, "Hi, my name is Current Resident, and I've been told you're the jerk who has been opening all my mail."
Wake me up, before you go, ho.
Ladies, the "honey do" list will get completed more completely and more enthusiastically if the last thing on the list is "get awesome BJ from wife."
Lamar Odom is missing and is a crackhead. Let that be a lesson guys, NEVER date a Kardashian.
There's "hell" in hello and there's "good" in goodbye... I don't know what that means... but think about it.
just read wikileaks next bombshell is that Captain Crunch was actually only rose to the rank of Ensign
99 problems. 99 bottles of beer on the wall. Problems solved.
The two favorite buttons I LOVE on Facebook: "Hide all posts from this person" and "Hide friend request".
You know what would be better than leaving our porchlights on for Caylee tonight? Have hunters turn their spotlights on Casey and turn the hounds loose....
Why are you tryin so hard to fit in when you are born to stand out
if you text me "lol", I will reply "prove it"
"Sorry" isn't a verb so don't expect it to fix things for you.
MEN: Stop lying about what you do.. WOMEN: Stop lying about what you don't.
K.Y. Slip-n-Slide party at my place tonight! 