Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If Obama had a son, would he look like the murderer of that Austrailian kid??

   Wow, Mitt. First animal abuse and now a school bully.....and you think you're a good example?.......of what?

   Why is it that when you get your girlfriend pregnant, everyone rubs her belly saying "congratulations"... but nobody rubs your d*ck and says "good job?"

   Contrary to popular belief, the best relationship does not start with great sex; the best relationship always starts with a great friendship.

   Just a thought: Do Muslims write OMA instead of OMG?

   Blah, blah blah... Blah, blah, blah... Allah, Blah, blah blah... Blah, blah, blah... Blah, blah blah... Blah, blah, blah... Allah, Blah, blah blah... Blah, blah, blah... Blah, blah blah... Blah, blah, blah... BLAH! - Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

   OK, New Orleans, time for your seven year washing!!

   I now count my girlfriend as my best friend. It used to be Dave but he won't suck my c*ck.

   What is the difference between a virgin and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you around for months after you put a load in it.

   Trump wants Obama to show his birth certificate.. In other news, Trump is still trying to find all his marriage certificates.

   There are 5 things in life you cannot recover: A stone...after it's thrown. A word...after it is said. An occasion...after it's missed. The time...after it's gone. A person...after they die. Life is short. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love truly.

   I don't drink milk often but when I do I prefer Dos Titties

   Hitler should have done the world a favour and wiped out the towel heads instead.

   If Obama was Pepsi and Romney was Coca-Cola, then I would definitely drink water or tea.

   Question... Can I pay for pùssÿ with foodstamps if I plan on eating it?

   Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of Yankees players on them ...people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

   just Googled his Twitter all over your Facebook

   Feeling a little groggy today. I think my check-engine light has come on.

   Should I get a puppy, or have a child? Well, I would rather ruin my carpet, than ruin my life.

   wants to start a women's magazine called "Period". And some months I'll send it out late just to freak out my subscribers.