Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm not." - MEN

   whats the difference between "Batman" and a "Blackman"? well Batman can always walk into a store without "Robin"

   Congrats Whitney!! 3 days sober!!

   the reason the chicken crossed the road...

   Omg! I just hit a woman on my bike. Just kidding.. I don't ride in the kitchen!

   To the Athiests that use the Lord's name in vein, make up your mind. Do you believe or not?

   The next time somebody jumps you, make sure they are just whooping your ass and not trying to kill you before you take any self-defense action.

   What's Obama's secret plan towards getting rid of ISIS in the middle East? .... Bringing them here.

   She divorced you because you didnde F**k her hard enough

   I molested myself last night, I said no, but I knew I wanted it

   Once you go black your credit goes bad.

   All I'm saying is, if that plane was a white girl named Ashley, the US would have found it by now.

   watching the 2010 World Cup (and then I found the remote)

   If smokers can get smoke breaks, non smokers should get fresh air breaks.

   How do you spell "clitoris"? I don't know but I had it on the tip of my tongue a moment ago.

   I had a wet dream about you last night... I pissed myself laughing when you fell off a cliff!

   Parachute for sale. Used once. Never opened. Small stain.

   An Apple fan walks into a bar.... Orders the same drink as yesterday, but pays more.

   Been watching two black guys shake hands for the past 37 minutes.

   My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn’t like it when I use other toothpastes.