Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   For the last time people....... I'm not fat! I am just so full of sexy that it over flows... There is a difference!

   Two lesbians walk into a bra....................(Yes,,that was a typo, but I liked it so much, I kept it.)

   Do not READ this status. Thanks

   It takes a great deal of courage to admit you've seen Herman Cain naked.

   Sometimes just for laughs, I slip condoms into the carts of little old ladies at the grocery store and then watch for the checker's reaction....

   Threesomes get super-awkward when the third person wakes up.

   Immature: A word used by boring people to describe fun people.

   I was gonna update my status, but then I got high.

   I'm Mexican, but I'm not "I'll cut your grass for 20 bucks" Mexican.

   I'm "it's 8:30 and you wanna start a movie this late?" years old.

   I once masturbated to a nude pic of Kim Kadarshian and caught herpes.

   Somebody stop the planet, I want to get off!

   It appears Bruce Jenner is also driving like a womam ......

   A woman without curves is like a road without bends, you might get to your destination quicker but the ride is boring as hell.

   Ronda Rousy has challenged Bill Cosby to see who can knock out a woman faster.

   Good guys are like a thong on a fat girl....hard to find :)

   Beware: Things get pretty messy when you let a Snickers REALLY satisfy you.

   Trying to pop a zit in the middle of my back with bar-b-que tongs and a mirror.....sucks living alone.

   My middle finger gets a stiffy when I think of you

   My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.