Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I woke up on the sexy side of the bed this morning !

   Know why Trump doesn't wear glasses? He has 2020 vision.

   ❒Flossin' ❒Ballin' ✔Bill Gaten'

   last night I prayed for the Lord to stop me from going bald, and to regrow hair. This morning I woke up with a 6 inch hair growing out my ear. Well played Lord, Well played

   You see son, when two girls love each other very much they have this CUP…

   Today's tip: "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line"! That is all.

   And then Satan said, "Put the alphabet in math..."

   this isn't the status you're looking for

   Give a man a gun he can rob a bank.Give a man a bank and he can rob everybody

   * Noah loading ark,,, "cows? check,,, goats? check",,, *llama walks up,,, " I already have llamas."... "Umm, I'm an Alpaca?".... "O.K.,, Wahatever"

   Ladies; Take his breath away. Sit on his face.

   Once you go black you never go back. Well once you go white you get your credit score right...!!!

   Men dressed as women to use a womens bathroom is not gay rights.

   Paul Revere had a time capsule. They opened it up after a couple of hundred years, and guess what they found? A stack of love letters from Barbara Walters..

   A woman should know how to look like a girl, how to act like a lady, how to think like a man." :)

   Justin Bieber should be treated like AM radio and nobody should ever listen to them...

   was thinking about starting a facebook addiction group, but wouldn't that be like starting an alcoholics annonymous at a bar?

   can no longer play Scrabble. Turns out he has Irritable Vowel Syndrome...

   patience is not a virture, its a waste of time.

   born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.