Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I tried to get over myself, but I'm just too awesome!

   amazed what she can do with a broccoli, when she puts her mind to it.

   I always bring my phone with me into the grocery store because I'm expecting a very important fake call if I see someone who knows me.

   French couple claims to have found 271 unknown Picassos. Suspiciously, one of them is "Still Life with McRib."

   wants to give someone jello and chopsticks and then sit back and watch the show!

   A fine head of hair adds beauty to a good face, and terror to an ugly one.

   If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.

   There is no I in team, but there are four in platitude-quoting idiot

   I have finally been diagnosed...!!! I have a serious condition known as "Awesomeness" but don't worry, none of you can get it because its not contagious!!! ;)

   thinking they should make a road paving company called Good Intentions.

   I just tried turning the volume up on my computer using the TV remote.... I think I need to question the state of my mental health 0.o

   A boomerang is a Frisbee for lonely kids.

   Don't get chased by your past. Your future always catches up.

   Why is it the people who talk the MOST, always seem to say the LEAST?!?

   One should always be in love, this is the reason one should never marry

   Saw the mystery machine from Scooby Doo driving on the highway. Is this real life?

   suppose evolution is true,a million years from now we'll have oil producing fish.

   Since switching from PC to MAC, my computer never goes down on me :(

   thinks that a bad thing about a good thing is that it comes to an end.

   All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.