Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Saw the mystery machine from Scooby Doo driving on the highway. Is this real life?

   suppose evolution is true,a million years from now we'll have oil producing fish.

   Since switching from PC to MAC, my computer never goes down on me :(

   thinks that a bad thing about a good thing is that it comes to an end.

   All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.

   With all the police and medical shows taking over primetime TV, you figured one could skip all of college to be in the field of criminal justice and medical.

   Back to your bridge you evil troll.... your powers dont work here!

   There is no I in team, but there are four in platitude-quoting idiot

   I have finally been diagnosed...!!! I have a serious condition known as "Awesomeness" but don't worry, none of you can get it because its not contagious!!! ;)

   thinking they should make a road paving company called Good Intentions.

   I just tried turning the volume up on my computer using the TV remote.... I think I need to question the state of my mental health 0.o

   A boomerang is a Frisbee for lonely kids.

   Don't get chased by your past. Your future always catches up.

   Why is it the people who talk the MOST, always seem to say the LEAST?!?

   "No offense" means "I'm about to insult you, but don't get mad."

   I'm stripping for her via video chat, but the sound is turned off 'cause her students are taking a test.

   Cancel my subscription....I am done with your issues!

   It's impossible to drop something in your car and it not disappear between the seats.

   If brains were money you'd have to take out a loan to buy a cup of coffee

   I hate people with fake names on facebook... Sorry Jamee Snickers Daughtry and Ashley Snookie Capulto you are now defriended