Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Every time I hear someone say "The Lord works in mysterious ways," I picture him performing miracles while doing the robot.

   thinks it's discriminating that there's a Black Friday but not a White Friday!

   Next time your sit at a McDonald's playland and a parent asks you, "Which one is yours?" Say, "I haven’t picked one out yet!" It's worth it.

   What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!

   magically delicious.

   For Obama so loved the poor, that he created millions more...

   Barack Obama walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says where did you get that. The duck replied "Kenya"

   Day #7: I am thankful that we can still engineer the electricals.

   There's another Twilight coming out??? WTF, when will this f*cken torture end!!

   Slow down Biden, you don't have the ruin the country your first week in office

   RIP, Maya Angelou. You were my favorite Ninja Turtle.

   slipped on some black ice and is now missing a wallet and watch

   If you teabag someone that is allergic to nuts, is that considered attempted murder?

   After the age of 35, people start losing 7,000 brain cells a day. That number is tripled if they have a Facebook account.

   that most of the status updates published here in the last 4 months has become soooo lame.. nothing creative..

   sometimes instead of poking you, I just press my finger against your profile pic and do that little coochie coo motion and whisper "girlfriend".

   Michelle Obama is definitely getting the D tonight!

   The answer to the Westboro Baptist Church protests of military funerals is to aim the 21 gun salute at them.

   K-Mart is noting the 5 year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death by having children's clothing half off.

   Question ... Which Democrat candidate has given up any of their earnings in the name of income inequality? Answer .... Neither .... They are both hypocrites!!!