Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just downloaded the new FIFA 11 commentory update, not much has changed although when my girlfriend went on it andy grey shouted "put the f@&king controller down & get back in the kitchen"

   hate the anticipation of setting a mouse trap,right at the last minute all seems good then "snap" you lose the battle...

   This new Facebook friend viewer application so you can see your friends online is kind of weird. Its like they don't even know you can see them.

   wondering if cupid has a job opening??? I would LOVE to shoot people in the Ass and get away with it!!!!

   see Gaddafi on TV for the last few days, I can only assume that he is paying tribute to Micheal Jackson

   Went bowling last night.... because I like jamming my thumb where a million other people have jammed their thumbs.

   Monday is the strongest day of all the weekdays, even though it is cursed by every other person in this world, it still exists

   Bin Laden got shot in the head .. first shot missed and went through his ears

   He was suckled by hyenas and had only cobras for playmates and now he's in hell. Let's pose his bullet-holed head for a round-the-world-see-we-really-did-it photo op and get busy with the real business of America - planning our summer vacations!

   When everyone is out to get you, paranoia is just good thinking.

   What time Is The Rapture? I Wanna Make Sure I Have On Clean Underwear!

   If you don't define yourself for yourself, you will be crunched into other people's fantasies and abused till kingdom come.

   when you were little and your parents closet looked huge. Now you have one filled and nothing to wear... so sad

   I distrust camels and other things that can go a week without a drink.

   After exposure to the cast of 'Jersey Shore' an Italian Jury has decided that Amanda Knox isn't so bad after all.

   Just learned the hard way that “Cajun-style” is not a quality you want in a proctology exam.

   i wish the brightness control on my TV made the people smarter

   Finals kicked my ass last semester, but this time around, I'm feeling like I've been well trained by the Mr. Miyagi of Finals---just been waxing them on and off, straight up kicking their asses!

   "I'm gonna cramp your style." - Menstruation

   Hey girls who feel empty and inadequate unless they have a man; that's a lot of pressure on a creature that can't even piss inside a toilet bowl without missing.