Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   for an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, call your friends, and brag about it!

   not shy -- I'm studying my prey.

   planning on living forever- so far, so good

   my goal is to stop drinking, smoking and swearing, holy#$#% my cigarette just fell into my wine. gotta go

   I don't mind helping out Haiti but please...stop insisting they need more money. They don't... figure out a way to spend the rest of the $500 million and then talk to me about how "bad off" they are.

   At what point did our country become invaded by insensitive @$$holes who lack empathy?

   Before gaydar, it is widely suspected that gay men found each other using a cumpass.

   What's big, red, and looks like a bucket? A big red bucket.

   YOUR WALLET: the only place our government is willing to drill..

   's friend was hit by a Dodge, which he/she found both funny and ironic.

   If you don't like gay people... blame the str8 people...they're the ones who keep having gay babies.

   What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

   'Amber Alert' would be a bada$$ name for a stripper.

   I've got the solution to this whole anti-gay mess with the fast foods. I'm just going to open a pro-gay franchise and call it Chik-fil-HAAAAAAY *snap*

   Pictures of rich missing kids should go on the back of 1% milk.

   Omicron and Delta is an anagram for Media Control.

   If a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first,, make sure she has coffee, you don't want to get up there and there's no coffee.

   If bartenders aren’t allowed to sell alcohol to drunk people, then McDonald’s shouldn’t be allowed to sell food to fat people.

   .............ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

   ► Play The Moments ▌▌ Pause The Memories ■ Stop The Pain ◄◄ Rewind The Happiness.