Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling? 
redneck word:debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
celebrating columbus day with a home invasion.
I could use some sexual harassment
You have the perfect face for the radio.
Guys who claim they are players usually get no plays. Beware of the quiet private ones.
I'm about to head to the bar and pretend to be blind so women will let me touch their faces.... good times...
This girl just caught me staring at her, but I played it off by yelling “Cool wall behind that girl's head!”
You are never quite as entertaining as when you come home from your night shift, walk head first thru a spider web, and dance the "Unmanly Web Tango" for the delight of all your neighbors, your teenage son, and his friends at the bus stop.
Sometimes if I get scared at night..I just tell myself there are no such things as ghost only clumsy ninjas....
The sad reality is, after 16 & Pregnant, Teen Mom and Jersey Shore, "Milf-Murder Acquittals" was probably going to be the next MTV hit anyways..
a life with no regrets is a life no lived, I would rather strike out swinging than to sit there looking
If you're using your girlfriend or boyfriends name as your password, can I punch you? Or would that make you more stupid?
What comes after 3D, scratch and sniff?
Its snowing again! Oh don't worry I will be posting fresh photos soon because I know you all love that!
Working out sucks...maybe I'll just spring for liposuction and 639 muscle implants.
Al Gore said we would have days like this...no...wait...scratch that.
clicked find freinds.....and all it said was good luck
if you listen to the Charlie Sheen interview backwards you can hear Gaddafi laughing at Bambi dying.
FUN FACT: Trying to find a shortcut out of IKEA on the weekend was the inspiration for the ending of The Shawshank Redemption. 