Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Do not be sad if people preferred another one on you .. It's hard to convince the monkey that strawberries sweeter than bananas

   Life before the computer punchline(see above 3): And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy...you hoped nobody found out.

   looking for a job! "Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job..."

   Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

   A lot of people have made decisions about what I should do with my life; unfortunately, it hasn't worked out too well for them.

   Life is a b*tch, but she's totally "do-able!"

   been used and has a lot of miles, but is in great condition...she's a classic ;)

   1.Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

   Times Like These Were made for Nudity.

   thinks that I could have a very successful career a male model. Unfortunately, I would have to be the "before" picture. Eh, its a living.

   Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.

   just doesn't give a sh!t today, but just in case I start to, I'm starting a list...Your goal-->Stay off the list!

   gots 99 problems and a fifth of rum. Problems solved.

   just changed my boss's password on his computer to --> C : [Enter] # # #....yeah, I'm a smidge disgruntled...

   An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh.

   ‘s computer is sooo slooow. It must be running Windows B.C.

   Step one: admitting you have a problem. Um.....I have a problem... DON't wanna get out of bed.

   Thursday is on my mind Facebook!! Now stop asking me that and go bug someone else!!!

   willing to go the extra mile... as long as it is not in your shoes!

   Some legends say we must sacrifice Justin Bieber to appease the dark forces inside Syria.