Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Why is it that people always point to their wrist when they ask what time it is? I don't see them pointing to their ass when they ask where that bathroom is!!!
←Rate | 10-02-2010 06:55 by mbs101 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just heard about the scientist that wants to rename the planet Uranus because it's rude. It's true, Google it! I reckon that's a damn good idea...let's call it Urectum instead.
←Rate | 09-09-2009 08:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..sold her tv and bought a dvd player. Bargain! Oh..wait..
←Rate | 11-09-2009 03:31 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I praise these men and women of this proud and God fearing nation they are so important to the history of this country with out them we would be under someone else's rule. I thank you mlitary men and women. Posted to the idiot who didn't sign his name!!
←Rate | 11-11-2012 20:41 by MWC Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somewhere, skeletons and secret gays are fighting over closet space...
←Rate | 04-30-2013 15:34 by SULLY Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Axel Rose don't say, "Down on your sha, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, knees." before getting a BJ... then he's not as cool as I thought he was.
←Rate | 07-18-2013 19:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I found my first grey pubic hair today.,,,,Normally things like this don't bother me, but it was in my Big Mac!
←Rate | 01-07-2013 20:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I understand if you aren't religious, I respect that. But you don't have to get all rude when I ask to use your first born as a sacrifice.
←Rate | 09-02-2012 08:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know your getting fat when you go to unbotton your pants...and it already done
←Rate | 10-21-2012 15:52 by MWC Comments (0)  


   messageicon bored of thinking of funny things to write in status and isn't going to bother this time
←Rate | 05-29-2008 18:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boss asked me why I wasn't working today. I dont him I was going as Obama Care for Halloween
←Rate | 10-31-2013 19:51 by morm Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drunk is... Fumbling in the dark with a condom wrapper, only to discover you've been trying to open a packet of McDonald's ketchup for the last 15 minutes.
←Rate | 07-27-2011 10:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon During sex, I like to freak out my girlfriend by saying stuff like, "Fu*k me like a cold glass of milk"
←Rate | 08-08-2011 02:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon running with scissors... makes me feel dangerous!
←Rate | 05-03-2008 06:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just because they CAN put a mosque there doesn't make it morally right. In fact it's the biggest slap in the face to us.
←Rate | 08-16-2010 09:44 Comments (2)  


   messageicon A dad walks in on his blind son who is beating off. Dad says "you better slow down or you'll go....nevermind son."
←Rate | 06-17-2011 13:37 by tonez617 Comments (0)  


   messageicon quit criticizing the girls that take slutty pics and put them on Facebook! I like looking at them you homo!
←Rate | 06-03-2012 21:51 by Reznor Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you watch Cinderella backwards its about a woman who learns her place.
←Rate | 12-08-2015 06:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wanted a cigar but they were too expensive. I rolled some tobacco in a piece of brown construction paper........ It was close, but no cigar.
←Rate | 08-11-2013 17:34 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My anus is the center hole. J. Geils Band. Songs back then really meant something.
←Rate | 11-13-2009 23:16 by abe Comments (0)  




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