Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3019 of 6371
Watching Linda Barrett exit the pool for the 1363rd time...Doesn't anybody knock anymore!!!
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03-10-2012 14:17 by migasjoe
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beware the ides of march...
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03-15-2012 08:48
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its not easy talkin to someone with a zit thats about to blow
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03-21-2012 00:45
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Let's team up! With my looks and personality and intelligence and talent and your drink money, there'll be no stopping us!
When I'm bored nobody texts me. When I'm busy I'm the most popular person on the planet.
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03-26-2012 20:53
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Can't wait to play the Lotto once again. I was so close last week. I was only off by 6 numbers.
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03-28-2012 15:43
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Sleep + social life = Bad grades. Good grades + sleep = No social life. Good grades + social life = No sleep.
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03-30-2012 21:42 by BEGO
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My girl was getting dressed and should stood in the doorway and asked "Do I look fat in this dress" I said "Nope, but that is definitely a narrow doorway"
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04-03-2012 14:03
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I wanna apologize for my behavior yesterday. I take allergy medicine and you're not suppose to mix it with 16 shots of tequila
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04-03-2012 14:05 by Nobody
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I am in a prison for something I didn't do. I didn't run fast enough.
The picture that comes inside the picture frame you buy, The people in it are always more attractive than the people in your picture. Makes it difficult to make the switch
"New and Improved" ... if it's something new, how are they improving it? I'm calling B.S. on that...
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04-14-2012 19:55 by Texas Red
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Hmmm,, So what you're saying, is that if the parrot is on his right shoulder,,, he's a butt pirate?.. Ummm, I'm only here to get my parking validated.
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04-15-2012 15:27 by snotty
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I'll call you Daddy......no problem, when I get a weekly allowance!
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02-01-2012 14:23
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"This is embarrassing, but would you believe we actually met offline?" - married couples in 5 years
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02-07-2012 17:51
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I've decided to nickname my fridge 'Facebook'. Because even if I know there's nothing there, I still check it every time I go into the room.
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02-21-2012 12:35 by Czovczov
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at the beginning of spongebob the captain guy says "i cant hear you"...the Verizon guy keeps saying "can you hear me now?"....i wonder if the 2 are on the phone together
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02-24-2012 22:29 by Eddy
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Throwing ice at people who need to chill the fu@k out.
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02-25-2012 22:49 by BEGO
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got some pajama jeans..my wife said they make my ass look big.
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02-26-2012 20:14
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Brownies cure frownies, this statement has not been evaluated by the FDA
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02-27-2012 09:34
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