Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 2996 of 6446

i doubt you're really laughing out loud
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06-12-2011 13:22 by gee
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Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
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03-10-2011 02:28
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sometimes, even the smallest apology will make me feel better; but most of the time, I think you're full of SH!T.
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03-16-2011 23:58
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visiting all 6.3 million web pages about 'obsessive personality'.
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03-31-2011 12:42
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I'm multi-talented, I can talk and piss you off at the same time
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08-10-2011 12:27 by jdirt
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Saturday, brought to you by the people that brought you coolers, ice, and cold beer.
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08-13-2011 20:03
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considering the irony of someone actually "butt-dialing" their proctologist
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09-06-2011 14:44
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I'm calling child protective services on Mother Nature.
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09-07-2011 10:47
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I like my men like I like my ice. Crushed and melts away within a reasonable time so I don't have to deal with it.
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12-22-2012 03:06 by Sarah
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last minute stocking stuffer gift idea... knee-pads for the wife!

I think my dirty clothes are lazy....I've given them a whole week and they still haven't moved any closer to the washer.
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01-04-2013 02:09
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You can take your "third time's a charm" and shove it right up your "I deserve a second chance."
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01-08-2013 13:40
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Please pray for the guy holding his girlfriend's hand and trying to use his phone with his other hand. You can do it buddy.
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01-09-2013 08:35
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Country music was much better back when they sang about murdering people all the time
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01-11-2013 11:34 by SEAN
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Adorable when people think that I’d care enough to hate them.

If you think my lunchbox looks a lot like a 12 pack, you're right... except there's only 4 left now! :)

Respect is earned, Honesty is appreciated, Love is gained and Loyalty is returned.
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07-19-2012 22:14 by BEGO
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Every Bond movie is like a porno that never happens.
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07-27-2012 14:42 by bfinest
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Let's just say, if prematurely ejaculation was an Olympics sport, I would come first.
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07-31-2012 10:45
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dont act like you've never passed out in the middle of the street in roller blades
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08-10-2012 04:31
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