Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon i doubt you're really laughing out loud
←Rate | 06-12-2011 13:22 by gee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
←Rate | 03-10-2011 02:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon sometimes, even the smallest apology will make me feel better; but most of the time, I think you're full of SH!T.
←Rate | 03-16-2011 23:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon visiting all 6.3 million web pages about 'obsessive personality'.
←Rate | 03-31-2011 12:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm multi-talented, I can talk and piss you off at the same time
←Rate | 08-10-2011 12:27 by jdirt Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saturday, brought to you by the people that brought you coolers, ice, and cold beer.
←Rate | 08-13-2011 20:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon considering the irony of someone actually "butt-dialing" their proctologist
←Rate | 09-06-2011 14:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm calling child protective services on Mother Nature.
←Rate | 09-07-2011 10:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like my men like I like my ice. Crushed and melts away within a reasonable time so I don't have to deal with it.
←Rate | 12-22-2012 03:06 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon last minute stocking stuffer gift idea... knee-pads for the wife!
←Rate | 12-24-2012 13:09 by Holiday Fun Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think my dirty clothes are lazy....I've given them a whole week and they still haven't moved any closer to the washer.
←Rate | 01-04-2013 02:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can take your "third time's a charm" and shove it right up your "I deserve a second chance."
←Rate | 01-08-2013 13:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please pray for the guy holding his girlfriend's hand and trying to use his phone with his other hand. You can do it buddy.
←Rate | 01-09-2013 08:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Country music was much better back when they sang about murdering people all the time
←Rate | 01-11-2013 11:34 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Adorable when people think that I’d care enough to hate them.
←Rate | 01-20-2013 19:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think my lunchbox looks a lot like a 12 pack, you're right... except there's only 4 left now! :)
←Rate | 07-19-2012 16:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Respect is earned, Honesty is appreciated, Love is gained and Loyalty is returned.
←Rate | 07-19-2012 22:14 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every Bond movie is like a porno that never happens.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 14:42 by bfinest Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's just say, if prematurely ejaculation was an Olympics sport, I would come first.
←Rate | 07-31-2012 10:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon dont act like you've never passed out in the middle of the street in roller blades
←Rate | 08-10-2012 04:31 Comments (0)  




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