Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I stepped on a corn flake in the kitchen, does that make me a cereal killer? 
Thinks Justin Biebers new haircut makes her look too mature! slow down girl, you got plenty of time to blossom into a woman!
I nicknamed my legs ‘options' because I like to keep them open.
No one cares about your problems. Take your clothes off.
wondering if blacks call it "Ask" Body Spray...
thinks when life hands me lemons, I think Great, more stuff to throw at the Raccoon that lives in my attic!
just came out of KFC with a Family Feast and some awesome sides. A poor homeless man sat there and said, "I haven't eaten for two days". I said, "I wish I had your f*ing willpower!".
can't understand the the problem with "Don't Ask Don't Tell" - the Catholic Church has been using it for hundreds of years, and it's never been a problem
Aaa the economy. The only people doing good is some black guy, his wife, two daughters.. and they live in a big white house they don't belong in. . .
You know you're getting old when you hide the year of your date of birth on your profile.
*girl look's at her moms drivers license* Girl: Mom, I know why dad left you! mom: Oh yeah, why? Girl: Because you got an F in sex.
Sterling got shafted by "BLACK MERICA".
How come we pay guys millions a year to toss a ball around, then when our teachers ask for a raise, we say they already make enough
People want a RELATIONSHIP, but always find themselves in a RELATIONSH!T.......Which one are you in?
Get your tongue out of my mouth !...I'm trying to kiss you good-bye !
Changing the wording to my previous post doesn't make the previous status any funnier
'I love having sex with you' doesn't mean, 'I'm only having sex with you'
In all fairness - now that President Obama has shown his long form birth certificate... He should demand Trump to show that his hair is real and to prove it or just finally shut up!! As he's starting to sound crazier than Charlie Sheen!! Winning
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
If I am ever in the middle of a shooting, I will just lay on the floor and act like someone already killed me. 