Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Beware of the half truth. You may have gotten hold of the wrong half.
←Rate | 06-03-2012 20:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon That Al-Queda #2 position is cursed. It's like being on the cover of Madden.
←Rate | 06-06-2012 12:46 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies; True Love is when he holds your hair back while you're giving him a bl0wjob.
←Rate | 06-14-2012 10:19 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had to stop suddenly, and almost got "Sandusky'd" by the car behind me!
←Rate | 06-23-2012 09:49 by Rokn Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes God doesn't giveyou what you think you want.Not because you don't deserve it, but because you deserve better.
←Rate | 07-05-2012 14:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have an army of decapitated gummy bears on my desk. When someone asks me a stupid question, I bite the head off another & stare at them.
←Rate | 07-07-2012 07:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2012 has arrived on schedule. Please wait until the New Year has come to a complete STOP before unfastening your seatbelts....
←Rate | 01-01-2012 08:41 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon A girl plays with your mind. A woman explores it.
←Rate | 01-13-2012 09:47 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon GUYS: If you're lookin' for an easy bang, any girl that has her Blackberry PIN in her bio is the answer.
←Rate | 01-14-2012 13:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think you women are on to something...shoe shopping does make you feel better!!
←Rate | 01-24-2012 19:16 by potter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think HR just keeps me around to help them write their new hand book. Every time I get called there they say "oh I've got to write this down!"
←Rate | 01-25-2012 15:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies, before you moisturize your elbows, know that I've never heard 2 guys, "How were her elbows?" "Oh, they was moist."
←Rate | 01-29-2012 09:24 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon you know you're getting old when the morning after pill is a percocet
←Rate | 01-29-2012 22:59 by Yaj Comments (0)  


   messageicon decorating for my stupid sisters baby shower using condoms as balloons..
←Rate | 02-01-2012 13:58 by jeneralee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I noticed a lot of celebrities seem to drown in the bathtub...Perhaps a business that tattoos "industrial grade" sand strips to their asses is in order. I'm looking for investors! ツ
←Rate | 02-15-2012 19:18 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am giving up a few negative people for lent. So, if you call,text,tweet or email and I don't get to back to you?? Odds are it was you.
←Rate | 02-23-2012 04:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Laxatives are the best cough suppressant.
←Rate | 02-28-2012 10:44 by Missy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The one reason I could never become a vegetarian....Bacon.
←Rate | 02-29-2012 09:40 by K-Mac Comments (0)  


   messageicon Loves how my niece thinks "scratching my back" is a "game"
←Rate | 02-29-2012 22:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says I can't pull out like a mini van.
←Rate | 03-03-2012 12:53 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  




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