Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I just discovered I have a super power! I can be invisible... Oh no no wait, I'm just being ignored.
←Rate | 04-16-2012 12:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Feminist must be so offended every time they need to use a restroom and see the figure on the door still wearing a dress.
←Rate | 12-22-2011 09:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My flyswatter is such a buzz kill
←Rate | 12-26-2011 18:38 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should make a app for the IPhone that yells "Code Blue Stat" when the battery is weak.
←Rate | 12-29-2011 10:17 by Rick H. Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man posted "saved 30 people from a fire" 2 ppl like this, female half naked in her pic posted "the mail man didnt come today"= 65 ppl like this
←Rate | 01-14-2012 11:01 by Jon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Think she might leave you? Take pictures of her naked in case she does.
←Rate | 01-22-2012 15:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon H.O.E.S. Happily Offering Everyone Sex.
←Rate | 01-25-2012 12:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon very funny Scotty; now beam down my clothes !!!
←Rate | 09-21-2008 21:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To all the people who wanted change in 2008-This November time's up
←Rate | 01-06-2016 14:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon (╮°-°)╮┳━┳ " make me a Sandwich!" .. Girlfriend : ( -.-) "HELL NO!" ... (╯°□°)╯ ┻━┻ "THE HELL YOU SAY?!?"
←Rate | 01-02-2012 10:06 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon I banged my best friends mom, I guess this makes me his best motherf*cking friend!
←Rate | 10-17-2011 12:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep your neighbors on their toes. Rename your WiFi network to "surveillance van #3"
←Rate | 11-08-2011 22:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I think NASA is making shit up just to see if anyone's listening.
←Rate | 02-07-2011 22:29 by Abbybaby34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To all the women I have slept with, I have herpes....and you thought I'd forget you on Valentine's Day
←Rate | 02-14-2011 11:15 by Derek Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to a Muslim strip club last night, everyone was shouting "SHOW US YER FACE"
←Rate | 12-11-2011 00:30 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon A wise man among the ignorant is like a beautiful girl in the company of blind men
←Rate | 01-05-2012 00:48 by canadian25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Britt's..... I'm one of those "Smelly Fuck" Americans and I have a question for you... I found this old looking sword that has "Property of Cornwallis" stamped on the blade somewhere near Yorktown.... Does it belong to one of you guys?
←Rate | 04-27-2012 01:52 by BigSarge Comments (1)  


   messageicon That job interview was going so well until I realized I was messed up on acid in the middle of a cornfield naked and talking to a scarecrow.
←Rate | 03-21-2012 22:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon somewhat skepitical you're laughing out loud as much as you claim.
←Rate | 10-31-2009 14:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon going to start a dating site for gangsters. bone thugs and e harmony
←Rate | 05-10-2010 01:27 by Tayler Anderson Comments (0)  




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