Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I just discovered I have a super power! I can be invisible... Oh no no wait, I'm just being ignored.

   Feminist must be so offended every time they need to use a restroom and see the figure on the door still wearing a dress.

   My flyswatter is such a buzz kill

   They should make a app for the IPhone that yells "Code Blue Stat" when the battery is weak.

   Man posted "saved 30 people from a fire" 2 ppl like this, female half naked in her pic posted "the mail man didnt come today"= 65 ppl like this

   Think she might leave you? Take pictures of her naked in case she does.

   H.O.E.S. Happily Offering Everyone Sex.

   very funny Scotty; now beam down my clothes !!!

   To all the people who wanted change in 2008-This November time's up

   (╮°-°)╮┳━┳ " make me a Sandwich!" .. Girlfriend : ( -.-) "HELL NO!" ... (╯°□°)╯ ┻━┻ "THE HELL YOU SAY?!?"

   I banged my best friends mom, I guess this makes me his best motherf*cking friend!

   Keep your neighbors on their toes. Rename your WiFi network to "surveillance van #3"

   Sometimes I think NASA is making shit up just to see if anyone's listening.

   To all the women I have slept with, I have herpes....and you thought I'd forget you on Valentine's Day

   I went to a Muslim strip club last night, everyone was shouting "SHOW US YER FACE"

   A wise man among the ignorant is like a beautiful girl in the company of blind men

   Hey Britt's..... I'm one of those "Smelly Fuck" Americans and I have a question for you... I found this old looking sword that has "Property of Cornwallis" stamped on the blade somewhere near Yorktown.... Does it belong to one of you guys?

   That job interview was going so well until I realized I was messed up on acid in the middle of a cornfield naked and talking to a scarecrow.

   somewhat skepitical you're laughing out loud as much as you claim.

   going to start a dating site for gangsters. bone thugs and e harmony