Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Judging by how The Hulk speaks, he reacted badly to grammar rays as well.
←Rate | 05-31-2012 11:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dance like no one is watching or just stop dancing in public you weirdo.
←Rate | 06-06-2012 07:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got caught talking to myself today, so to avoid embarrassment, I pretended to be a tree until they left.
←Rate | 06-16-2012 12:51 by K-Mac Comments (0)  


   messageicon Little Boys shouldn't play Big Boy games.
←Rate | 06-28-2012 17:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hurt my back playing golf today,I fell off the ball washing machine.
←Rate | 07-12-2012 22:24 by Rokkn Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just thought of something. What happens if you become addicted to cold turkey?
←Rate | 01-29-2012 20:03 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon The worst part about eating with vegetarians is everything.
←Rate | 02-27-2012 09:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Proving other people wrong with your success is pretty selfish. Proving everyone else right by failing miserably shows you've got class
←Rate | 03-01-2012 00:58 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Closed due to hangover. But don't worry, I have a note from my bartender.
←Rate | 03-04-2012 11:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man Rule #4: Never let your Wife be the last one on your street to bring the trash bins in.
←Rate | 11-19-2011 00:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kid birthday parties should just be called get your child sick gatherings.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 13:16 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I found out I don't have testicular cancer. My dentist told me after I woke up. Nice guy, he didn't charge me.
←Rate | 12-14-2011 19:21 by @CarlosdRooster Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who give's a rat's a$$ if its your first time to post here! Stop trying to get some attention and post something funny already.
←Rate | 12-17-2011 03:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Little-known fact: that Quaker guy on the oatmeal box is naked from the waist down.
←Rate | 03-07-2012 13:31 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon We really owe it to our friends to tell them when their baby is ugly.
←Rate | 03-15-2012 02:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always cry at the end of Shawshank Redemption because Andy never finished carving that chess set.
←Rate | 03-31-2012 07:12 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook feels a lot like Group Therapy...only everyone is talking at once and no one wants to be cured
←Rate | 04-01-2012 21:02 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I phoned the Procrastinators Helpline... They took my number and said they'd get back to me :/
←Rate | 04-03-2012 20:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know your Twitter timeline is boring when you get unfollowed by a spambot.
←Rate | 04-09-2012 21:18 by @iJokes_ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was reading the ten commandments and got to "thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife" and I remembered where I left my wallet.
←Rate | 04-16-2012 12:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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