Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why get stuck with the whole pig just for a little sausage?

   no easter bunnies were harmed in the making of this status

   just realized there's Amish people living at the end of my street. There's a sign down there that says "No Outlet"

   Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile

   staring at goats.

   Makeover?? Honey you need to be ran over!!

   A recent CNN poll shows that 53% of Americans don't believe Obama to be honest or trustworthy. The other 47% of Americans weren't polled.

   I used to be Pro Life until I found out Kim Kardashian was pregnant!

   Chinese couple's wedding night. Time for sex. The bride asks the husband what he wants. He says, "69". She says, "You want Beef with Broccoli?"

   Hell is Where: the Police are German, the Chefs are British, the Mechanics are French, the Lovers are Swiss and it's all organized by the Italians.

   19 people died in Chicago this week from Covid-related gunshot wounds. They will be voting by mail.

   Jason Collins is the best ball handler in the NBA...

   We get MLK Day off but not Good Friday...Dying for a dream trumps dying for our sins!

   When are people going to start arming themselves? This is stupid people getting to shoot at you without getting shot at.

   Volkswagen has gotten itself into trouble for falsifying data. Apparently this is not the first time the Germans have been found guilty of lying about gas emissions.

   Let’s proudly wave our American flags made in China.

   I can't believe North Korea are now threatening Japan with nukes. They're still squinting from the last two.

   GET TO THE CHOPPER!!

   as much authority as the Pope, he just doesn't have as many people who believe it

   It's a Paleontological fact that T-Rexes were so vicious because their arms were too short for them to masturbate.