Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I used to be Pro Life until I found out Kim Kardashian was pregnant!

   Chinese couple's wedding night. Time for sex. The bride asks the husband what he wants. He says, "69". She says, "You want Beef with Broccoli?"

   Hell is Where: the Police are German, the Chefs are British, the Mechanics are French, the Lovers are Swiss and it's all organized by the Italians.

   19 people died in Chicago this week from Covid-related gunshot wounds. They will be voting by mail.

   Jason Collins is the best ball handler in the NBA...

   We get MLK Day off but not Good Friday...Dying for a dream trumps dying for our sins!

   When are people going to start arming themselves? This is stupid people getting to shoot at you without getting shot at.

   Volkswagen has gotten itself into trouble for falsifying data. Apparently this is not the first time the Germans have been found guilty of lying about gas emissions.

   Let’s proudly wave our American flags made in China.

   I can't believe North Korea are now threatening Japan with nukes. They're still squinting from the last two.

   as much authority as the Pope, he just doesn't have as many people who believe it

   GET TO THE CHOPPER!!

   It's a Paleontological fact that T-Rexes were so vicious because their arms were too short for them to masturbate.

   Hey Facebook, Now look what you have done, You've invented "MYSPACE".

   Facebook is about to start charging. If you want to keep your free account then go to your profile, take your right hand and punch yourself in the taint until it turns blue. Then post the picture and video on your profile.

   I hope you brought an umbrella..cause it's rainin' cold,hard facts up in here.

   At 3 years we say, ''Mommy I love you." At 10 years we say, ''Mom, whatever." 16 years we say, "My mom is so annoying!" At 18 years we say, "I'm leaving this house." At 25 years we say ''Mom, you were right''. At 30 years we say "'I want to go to Mom's ho

   The worst part about the Hank Williams Jr remarks and backlash is that Toby Keith will most likely write a song about it now....

   BBC News: high brow. Fox News: low brow. Al Jazeera: unibrow.

   Today's inspirational post: You can do it!