Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
The difference between sexual harassment and seduction. Is the first is done by men, and the 2nd one is the same thing but done by women. 
I only work out to stay just skinnier than the guy at the bar next to me...
We all spend that extra minute or two brushing on the day of your dentist appointment...
Pimpin' actually is pretty easy and I'm getting tired of everyone saying otherwise.
Every time someone walks by my desk I make sure to have the Hooters website up just so no one thinks I'm a nerd doing work.
You should send every tweet like its your last...and the rest of us will pray that it is.
They key to not crying when cutting an onion is severing your emotional bond with it beforehand.
if any body needs me I will be over here waiting for football season
For me being adventurous is dating a girl who doesn't shave her legs!
Whenever any of my ex's leave me, I find out a short time later they end up getting married. Which actually makes me feel better. At least now she's miserable too.
If a book about failures doesn't sell is it a success?
"If you take a look at all the previous US Presidents, what could I do worse" - Frank Zappa
Listening intently... Listening intently... Listening intently... "... and then my boyfriend..." Dead to me.
I have abad feeling we're going to pay for Taylor Swift's poor Grammy results...
The best part of Valentine"s day is no more Vermont teddy bear BIG HUNKA LOVE BEAR commercials.
Maybe homeless people are just hardcore campers.
i keep getting all these popups...if this lasts 4 hours, I'm gonna have to visit WebMD
I would NOT have done well in the military. I’d always be saying things like “SIR LET’S JUST AGREE TO DISAGREE SIR!!!”
Amazing how you can be first and everything and then last and nothing.....all with a blink of an eye..I hate video games!!
it just me or are Dating sites costing more than a date now? I just want to go back to the day of throwing a rock and dragging her off her feet. 