Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   principles. If you don't like them I have others.

   never wants to go to bed, yet I never want to wake up in the morning. Why can't my "late night" self make some kind of compromise with my "early morning have-to-go-to work" self?

   that you shouldn't base your life on what other people think!

   Dear politicians: don't kid yourself for a moment that I'll believe a single word you say in the next month. Seriously. Save your breath.

   doesn't allow men to smoke in his room, but women can. Hell, they can barbecue a goat if they want.

   drunker then a two dollar hooker on topless tuesday.."

   sad that '24' is coming to an end after 8 seasons. I have given 8 whole days of my life to this series.

   just got a 'friend request' from Dr. Phil as suggested by another friend....Hmmmm, is this friend trying to tell me something???

   If love is blind does that mean divorce is lasik surgery?

   Wants to thank BP. Now I can wash and oil my lettuce at the same time

   If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.

   When the world kicks you when you're down, breaks its legs.

   's keys are really good at hide and go seek,they are definitely winning.

   do not have any attachments, do not have anything in your life you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner.

   May your troubles last as long as your New Years Resolutions!

   just stole the lint outta your dryer to create a snuggie

   No problem is so big and difficult that it can't be blamed on somebody else.

   I smile because I don't know what's going on.

   I'm sorry liver...its St Patricks day. You can file the restraining order tomorrow.

   "if you dont expect anything, you wont be let down"- Magean Brents