Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ...... "Barack INSANE Obama" .... Truth in advertising.

   So let me get this straight, the same people who are responsible for 9/11 are also responsible for 20% of Killary's campaign contributions. Anyone see an issue with this?

   Wait, free healthcare premiums are going up again?? Don't worry Democrats, it'll be announced after your fools elect you...

   How was the peaceful protest at Berkeley last night? Did they quitely sing kumbaya?

   Looting continues across the country. Police report no work boots stolen yet.

   Can You Still Get Like Regular Sick Or Is Everything Corona?

   I remember going to see Dr Hook in the 80s. Worst prostate exam ever!! 😲

   Back when I was in high school, we didn't have guns to shoot people. We used our fists!

   Snookie Kardashian?

   I swallowed my pride once and it tasted like Vodka.

   Every so often I'll listen to my mom talk non stop for like 5yrs at a time to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.

   Starbucks is now offering something called the duffin. If you havent heard, it's a combination of a donut and a muffin. Who says America has lost its exceptionalism?

   At my age I only have two goals: to keep working a real job and to keep flossing real teeth.

   The secret to life is to always do whatever's next.

   Humor and sexual frustration are what keep Facebook a well-oiled machine.

   Everything happens for a reason. For instance: You're on fire because I don't like you.

   In Hell, all of your Google searches post directly to your social media accounts.

   onder what all those old mom's think now when they remember telling their little boys, eat all your Wheaties and you'll grow up to be a big strong man like Bruce Jenner? The irony is, Bruce Jenner is now an old mom.

   "WTH, I can't seem to parallel park anymore" - Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner

   I hold my wife's hand in the mall. Not because it's romantic but more because it's economical. It keeps her from shopping.