Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Working on working on my evil plot to take over the world. But first, a bowl of Froot Loops!

   went into a library dressed as a German classical composer and asked for a book on Austrian actors. The librarian said, "Aisle B, Bach".

   In his first day since stepping down from BP, Tony Hayward took a $hit in his neighbor's pool.

   clones 2,4, & 9 are still missing. I'll check the liquor stores, and you check the porn shops. If they've gotten out of town, they'll be heading for Vegas!

   UPDATE...in the midst of preparing an antidote to fix stupid...a massive explosion accured....needless to say...everyone was right....THERE AIN'T NO FIXIN' STUPID!

   You're gonna run into jerk offs. But remember, it's not the size of the a**hole you worry about, it's how much crap comes out of it.

   wants less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

   The nice thing about being overweight is, if challenged, you can crush the competition....on a lighter note, you can then finish your donut......

   doesn't suffer from insanity... he enjoys every minute of it.

   100% positive that he isn't sure!

   Anything you say will be held against you. "Tit".

   WISHES my clothes were suicidal so they would hang themselves.

   Hates when he gets really comfortable in bed just to relize he left the over head light on and the switch is all the way across the room

   If you fall, I'll be there - The Floor

   Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . .  have fun

   Facebook is a major city, Twitter is a vacation spot, and My space is a ghost town.

   Being a single independent person means, you're not dependent to your family and friends too, is that right?!

   That lady from the target commercial scares me.

   I need to get a santa suit and walk into the strip club to see what the girls will to do santa to get off the naughty list.

   Yes, Christmas comes but once a year. So does every other day! February 29th, now theres a day to celebrate!