Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Dear girl running for her life, I was only running after you with the knife trying to protect you from whatever you were running from... call me 
returning Mike Tyson's pet tiger.
Thinking about starting a new diet, it's called the "Sight Unseen Diet." If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
two nuns are riding their bikes down a small stone trail, one nun tells the other "wow, I've never came this way before", "yeah I know, it must be these stones
The Deadliest Catch would be so much cooler if they'd plant a serial killer on each boat.
Beer is the path to the dark side. Beer leads to jager. Jager leads to hangover. Hangover leads to suffering.
You should never laugh at mentally challenged people,.. it's just not cooI, I have feelings too!
Many years ago,Ozzy Osbourne asked me how he could get publicity to help his music career. I told him he needed a bright red hat. He thought I said "bite the head off a bat". And the rest,of course is history.
Sky News "Tree Falls On Bank" Does anyone happen to know what branch ?
my wife cooks more on Café World! then she does here at home at least the the virtual people are eating well
On 1 August 1981, MTV played the 1st music video "Video Killed the Radio Star". On Feb. 23 1992 "(18 years ago today) MTV played the 1st reality show "the Real World New York" and so began a metaphorical song "Reality Killed the Video star"!
I was watching Spongebob with my Daughter the other day and she left the room. It's bad enough, I found myself still watching it by myself. But..... what's even odder is that I realized the irony that Mr. Krabs lives in Bikini Bottom.
Stop everything you're doing. Think about me. You're welcome.
thinks that 99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I'm in the other 2%
Every 7-eleven needs a task force NOT named Punjab, Aadarsh, Aachman, Aadesh ,Aadi ,Aadidev ,Aafreen ,Aaka ,Aandaleeb to keep the slurpee machine running because this sh*t is UNACCEPTABLE.
Some girls drink to get drunk. Some drink to get bi.
I just liked "like if you hate cancer" so I'm pretty sure it'll be cured by tomorrow.
Yes Yes Big Bird is saved!
Your dirtier than my browsers history!
If I was a judge in the Olympic Trampoline events, I'd give the Silver to the chick with the biggest boobs, Gold if she doesn't wear a bra. 