Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Many years ago,Ozzy Osbourne asked me how he could get publicity to help his music career. I told him he needed a bright red hat. He thought I said "bite the head off a bat". And the rest,of course is history.

   Sky News "Tree Falls On Bank" Does anyone happen to know what branch ?

   my wife cooks more on Café World! then she does here at home at least the the virtual people are eating well

   On 1 August 1981, MTV played the 1st music video "Video Killed the Radio Star". On Feb. 23 1992 "(18 years ago today) MTV played the 1st reality show "the Real World New York" and so began a metaphorical song "Reality Killed the Video star"!

   I was watching Spongebob with my Daughter the other day and she left the room. It's bad enough, I found myself still watching it by myself. But..... what's even odder is that I realized the irony that Mr. Krabs lives in Bikini Bottom.

   thinks that 99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I'm in the other 2%

   Every 7-eleven needs a task force NOT named Punjab, Aadarsh, Aachman, Aadesh ,Aadi ,Aadidev ,Aafreen ,Aaka ,Aandaleeb to keep the slurpee machine running because this sh*t is UNACCEPTABLE.

   Stop everything you're doing. Think about me. You're welcome.

   Some girls drink to get drunk. Some drink to get bi.

   I just liked "like if you hate cancer" so I'm pretty sure it'll be cured by tomorrow.

   Yes Yes Big Bird is saved!

   Your dirtier than my browsers history!

   If I was a judge in the Olympic Trampoline events, I'd give the Silver to the chick with the biggest boobs, Gold if she doesn't wear a bra.

   If someone hates you for no reason, give that idiot a reason.

   Roses are Red Violets are Glorious, Never Sneak up on Oscar Pistorius

   The United States is the land of freedom. Not free stuff!

   firemen keep harvesting my cat tree

   Failing a suicide attempt makes you a failure at both life and death.

   Flip Flops are the Glass Slippers of the South

   Somewhere the socks and Tupperware lids are throwing a hell of a party.