Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   n't it a shame that Isla m is such a fragile religion that the mere sight of Buddhist statues, Bibles or Barbie Dolls serve to threaten it's very existence?

   NASCAR=National Assembly Of Super Crazy A$$ Rednecks

   Good News! We just got our taxes done and we'll be getting a refund! It should be just enough to pay for getting our taxes done! ツ

   I want a monster in my bed, not under it.

   Facebook is probably the most efficient way of telling as many people as possible that you're lonely. ツ

   Men are only as loyal as their options

   Every time she asks what you're thinking about, tell her buttsex.

   Judging by the music and decorations at Walmart we're only 3 days away from Fox News War on Christmas season.

   If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

   Lady Gaga admitted that she does cocaine. Not really surprising news. What is surprising? She snorts it off her penis.

   thinks the Media is just milking the negitivity in this Swine Flu situation. On the plus side, there is now recession beating prices on Mexican pork chops.

   wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger. Then it hit

   can finally watch the tv in the afternoon now. Oprah show is going off the air.

   I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

   On Columbus Day, we celebrate the discovery of places that have already been happily occupied for years.

   Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a Honda Accord

   Says: He may wear the pants.. But I CONTROL The Zipper!! hehehe!

   Men suck... Sent from Kitchen

   Son: Dad is it ok to love a midget, Dad- depends on if your nuts over her

   Been watching these 2 black guys shake hands for the past 28 minutes.