Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Really Olive Garden, Unlimited breadsticks? I'll have 20.000 of them. Oh I can't have 20.000? then their not unlimited are they?

   When you're walking and texting and you walk slower and slower and slower till you're just standing there texting..

   I really tend to have less tolerance of ugly people.

   Relationship Killers : Insecurity, trust issues, Facebook, Twitter, jealousy, lack of communication, assumptions

   Rosie O'Donnell fired again from a talk-show, for the 4th time. Time to quit attempts at being so serious and go back to fat lesbian stand-up comedy.

   I love Captain Crunch,,, and by that I mean I can't get enough of tasting the "roof of my mouth" skin... Two more bowls till I can tongue my brain.

   About to have a threesome with Aunt Jamima and Mrs Butterworth

   i just found out that turning off all the lights in my house and pretending I'm blind does nothing for my boredom,so then I tried playing pictionary with my dog and cat but they're so STUPID!!

   Mom always said "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours.." THANK YOU FRIDAY!!, I Love You, too!!!! I've always loved you. You and I are belong together! This is wonderful! We shall celebrate your return!!

   why cant women love me for who I am! They only see that I'm young, handsome, Good looking, rich and famous, suceessful, independent, sexy as hell, ect.

   Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..

   Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge.

   Dont sweat the petty things, Pet the sweaty things

   wondering if I get stopped for speeding in a Toyota can I tell the officer I had a "Prius-exisiting condition?"

   [This post has been removed for breaking facebook community guidelines]

   likes big butts and he cannot lie

   Just once I'd like to hear Obama say "Niga Please"

   When are we gonna snap on these blakk cokksuckers?

   Why is it called a bull riding “accident” when the bull ends up hurting the rider? If someone strapped a rope around my nuts, wanted a piggy back ride, then proceeded to spur my ass, my wanting to f*ck them up would be no accident.

   For Halloween I'm going to wear a pacman suit and chase Muslim women in burkas around the town centre.