Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Can someone please snort bath salts next time they see Justin Bieber in person?

   I hate Monday's...... and condoms.

   Just been on bigbustycoons.com What they do with those buses are amazing!!

   Came home to find all the doors and windows open and everything gone..what kind of sick person would do that to someone's advent calendar??

   "I'll get you, gadget. Next time." --Dr. Claw, window shopping at the sharper image

   If you can't take a joke, don't walk around looking like one.

   I am the ghost of Christmas Passed Out.

   How times have changed. I remember dialing 07734 to a pager to say hello!

   The problem with the Gene pool is there arn't any lifeguards.

   ok,,, I am that person that pulls the door that says push and wonders what's going on*/*

   Nothing makes me feel more American than the fact that my button has just popped off of my pants.

   my ex got run down by a lorry today.i thought "wow,that could have been me!" but I cant drive a lorry!

   I wish God wouldn't have hidden all of my talents so well...

   bad Facebook!! you almost made me take out that row of mailboxes

   no keys were harmed in the making of this status quote.

   You wanna reduce the "Text While Driving Epidemic?" Just create a phone that will input the text as you speak and read you the text you received.....They can bulid it. They have the technology. To make teens live longer and more responsible.

   Facebook knows me better than anyone

   Sometimes a person has to hit rock bottom to realize how low they can actually go.

   Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?

   says...behind every successful women...thr are a couple of satisfied men... :pp