Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The first guy to blow a vuvuzela at an NFL game will be getting his a$$ kicked.

   I've never been to jail, but I did get stuck in a pair of skinny jeans at an American Eagle once.

   wants every ending to be a HAPPY ending ! :-D

   you know my name not my story.

   apprantly I told my dog to go to his room until he was ready to talk, thats how drunk I was.

   You only eat candy corn when there's no other candy to eat.

   If you enjoy wasting time, then is it really time wasted?

   R.E.M. just recorded a new version of their '90s classic "Everybody Hurts" especially for their older fans. New title: "Everything Hurts"

   who cares if someone is bi, straight or gay- does it affect your life at all? Mind your own biz and live your life, not someone elses

   now available without a prescription

   If people revolted and burned things every time Jesus was insulted then this world would be in ruins. So whats so special about this Prophet Mohammed idiot?

   Life is too short to remove the USB drive safely

   spinning in his new office chair so I am away, now I am back, away again and back.

   My NRA firearms Instructor beats your demo rapist movie producer or former President

   .... I was watching th news tonite .... I thought I was watching the violent Black Friday shopping mayhem .... turns out it was just the Black Lives Matter protests .... ....

   Even if Mexico wins, they still lose, because they have to go back to Mexico...

   Somewhere right now in the hood, someone is yelling "Domino Mother F**ker!"

   My wife said I'm an idiot who can't do the simplest of things right. So I packed her bags and left.

   My wife said, "I want you to toast some bread for me." So I raised my wine glass and said, "To bread!"

   Learn to appreciate what you have, before time makes you appreciate what you had..