Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   realized that alcohol is not the answer,it just makes you forget the question

   hey if tomorrow is the rapture could one of you atheists stop by and feed my dog? Feel free to help yourself to my prescription pills and booze

   like If you ever Scream at Dora because whatever she's looking for, is right behind her...!!!!

   Saturdays forcast: doomy with chance of rapture..

   I'd f**k your brains out...unfortunately someone beat me to it

   If women made cat calls at men & stared at our crotches, betcha WE wouldn't be offended.

   I'm old enough to know what's right and wrong, but I'm too young to care.

   Your opinion of me DOESNT define who I AM.

   I accidentally ruined my wife's Chic record. I hope she doesn't freak out.

   FREE LOTTERY ADVICE!!!! If tomorrow you find out you holding the winning ticket. (Before anyone finds out) call everyone you know let them you have an emergency and need to borrow $500. They will likely ignore you. This will come in handy in a few weeks w

   Trump has taken Take Your Daughter to Work Day to the next level.

   there another tax we can pay to stop Covid 19 or does that just work for climate change?

   After this pandemic is over, I don't want to see any more memes claiming that you could live in a cabin alone for a full year for a million dollars. You literally couldn't stay in your house for 5 days to save your grandmother, soooo......

   who cares if someone is bi, straight or gay- does it affect your life at all? Mind your own biz and live your life, not someone elses

   now available without a prescription

   If people revolted and burned things every time Jesus was insulted then this world would be in ruins. So whats so special about this Prophet Mohammed idiot?

   Life is too short to remove the USB drive safely

   spinning in his new office chair so I am away, now I am back, away again and back.

   .... I was watching th news tonite .... I thought I was watching the violent Black Friday shopping mayhem .... turns out it was just the Black Lives Matter protests .... ....

   My NRA firearms Instructor beats your demo rapist movie producer or former President