Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I know I'll be a good father. I've had my iPhone for over 6 months now and I've only dropped it 182 times so far.

   The ultimate test for a relationship is having arguments and still being able to have amazing sex.

   Dear Mr Sandman ~ I think you lost my Address!

   Valentine's Day weekend the G/F said she wanted to go somewhere expensive...So I took her to the Gas Station! ;)

   finally gave in and let my boyfriend shave me down there....my toes look soooo much better

   No Xvideos, I would not like to share this video with friends and family on Facebook.

   Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?

   I'm proud to say I'm a humble person

   ladies, sure what you've been through is heroic. but what I've made you go through is Epic!

   I got to thinking about when Hugh Hefner who is 85 was dating that girl who was 25......That would be like me dating a girl who would not be born for another eight years.

   I Just got outta the dentist office and they were VERY IMPRESSED with my teeth, that they even made me take a couple of head shot photos........... They called them X-Rays, but I knew what they were getting at.

   decided to become "The silent type." I'd let you know how that works out, but, you know, silence...

   I think I'm gonna wrap myself in a box, label it anywhere and see where I end up. I've always loved to gamble.

   will you please tell your kid to stop looking under my car for the head.. for the last time its not a Transformer

   Flash forward to July 5, 2024 headlines..... 13 years to the day of being found not guilty of the murder of her daughter...Casey Anythony breaks into a Las Vegas hotel, guns drawn to steal back old pictures of when she was a professional club rat! (See OJ

   There should be a weight limit on High Heels!

   When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane...

   They are teasing me again on the Food Network!

   I hate those stupid orange juice commercials that make it seem like no matter what happens throughout the day as long as you have some "orange juice" it'll be okay.....

   REALLY don't know what this flys problem is outside smackin up against my window..but I'm sorry...I won't let him in, I don't trust strangers...