love Funny Status Messages

   My wife told me that a friend of hers gets smacked abound by her husband. Then she told me that, if I ever hit her, I'd only do it the once. "That's what I love about you," I said. She said, "What do you mean?" I replied, "You learnn from your mistakes."

   I love tan lines... it's like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)

   Dear Lean Cuisine, Your microwave lunches are small. My body does not get 35MPG like most people. I get more like 12MPG with a strong tail wind. Please help. Love, Me

   The bible say, "thou shalt love thy neighbor" which means, take your password off your wifi!!

   I love it when people say they haven't evacuated during a hurricane because they had to protect their homes. Who the hell do they think they are? Superman?

   its better to lose a lover then to love a loser

   If you can't love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.

   Today, my girlfriend asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.

   If you're having a bad day, remember that somewhere in the world, someone willingly got a Nickelback tattoo. And they love it.

   it possible to love the one you're with but not be able to stand the sound of their breathing? Asking for a friend

   If absence really makes the heart grow fonder, then the boss is going to *love* my new 2-day work weeks.

   You know before Facebook, I use to call up 435 friends of mine everyday... just to tell them 'how much I hate my work and how much I love getting stoned.'

   Love is never having to say you're sorry. Marriage is saying sorry especially when you're not.

   Happy run out and spend money you don't have on things you wouldn't otherwise buy to prove you love someone who if they need things bought for them to prove you love them probably shows they don't truly love you anyway day!

   I don't think I will ever be mature enough to say ‘make love' without using a funny voice. I usually go with the deep, Spanish accent.

   My signature move is falling in love with people I can't have.

   I love how coffee fixes everything. Tired? Drink some coffee. Headache? Drink coffee. Cold? Drink coffee. Someone makes your angry? Bust them in the head with the cup!!!

   What if you are an atheist, and you're stuck behind a guy with a "Honk if You Love Jesus" bumper sticker at a traffic light?

   I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.

   Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn't.