Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I saw 2 flies screwing today..and I swatted them and said "If I can't, you can't either. 
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
beating your meat as a teenager just prepares you for marriage...
WHY do men cheat? Seriously... One woman is expensive enough!
I find it very funny that all the women who say Trump is a sexist pig are saying farewell to Hugh Hefner who did nothing but exploit women all his life....
Instructions on how to keep an idiot busy: Read instructions again.
I saw a man in a dress, with a hearing aid, smoking a joint. One of those high deaf TVs.
Life is precious and short. If you have time today, make sure to tell your enemies to f*ck off before they die and you're too late.
sick of all this Osama Bin Laden news already - OK, he'd gone, great. What do I have to do to get a Charlie Sheen update?!!
You really do need to quite teasing my with these pokes
My watch died at 11:30pm last night... It was the most incredible night of my life. At 3:00am I was still thinking it was 11:30. I was like "OMG the night still so young!!!!!" And kept on drinking... Yeah, I got home at 11:30pm, good girl!
The LA Dodgers are so broke, three players tested positive for Top Ramen
Do you want to mourn Steve Jobs? - There's an app for that, only $4.99 for the first month.
3/17/2011 - 3/20/11 RIP - My NCAA Tournament Bracket
It's better to have a gun and not need it than to not have a gun and need it
She's fat, I'm drunk, IT'S ON!
that a person who really loves you is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everoyone else still believes in the smile on your face
Never recycle a past relationship. Because if it didn't work out before, what makes you think it would this time?
Lindsay Lohan is so dumb that she wanted to move to Afghanistan......because she heard girls could get stoned there.
. "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum." 