Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm as broke as a pick pocket in a nudist colony.

   Blonde girl tells her Blonde friend. I just f cked a " Brazilian " guy. She said " You Slut! How many is a Brazilian!?"

   If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diahrea,does that mean 1 enjoys it?

   The key to happiness is self-delusion. Try not to think of yourself as an organic pain collector racing toward oblivion.

   Attention Everyone: Hillbilly is really Re-run. Don't be fooled by Hillbilly's lies.

   If protesting for social justice was good for business, THEN...Kaepernick would have a job! The NFL will soon be in hospice care.

   I just checked on my Farmville after 3 years. It's now a Wal-mart

   please don't follow in my footsteps coz I walk into walls

   Saying that athiests can't say "OMG" because they're godless is like saying theists can't say "common sense" because they lack it.

   discovered today that when a police officer says, "Ma'am, your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?", you should never respond with "Officer, your eyes look glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

   Boob is the perfect word cux it shows you what it means. Top view -> B ... Front view -> oo ... Side view -> b.

   Why does Stevie Wonder love seeded hamburger rolls? Because of the jokes written on top.

   I met a Spanish man with a Rubber toe......his name was Roberto

   thinks the only thing worse than having to listen to Donald Trump is having to admit he's right! RIP Kate Steinle

   Breaking News: Tiger Woods withdraws from the masters after the first hole. At a news conference he claims he dropped out because he's a one hole man now......

   Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and now Amy Winehouse, all died at 27. So only 10 more years of Justin Bieber

   Law of Reverse Dynamics: When a man becomes rich, he becomes naughty When a woman becomes naughty, she becomes rich.

   I'm seriously as bored as a vegetarian gay guy at hooters!

   DIET= Do I Eat That...

   I hate married people who act single.