Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 2625 of 6451

A certain darkness is needed to see the stars.
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05-18-2015 12:09
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It's that time of year we need a Frozen Margarita truck. . .
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07-16-2014 00:15 by JAB
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Walk of shame? If I can still walk, the shame is yours.
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07-25-2014 02:42 by Baddie
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If you're wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don't google 'old man bond age'

Kim Kardashian attacked at the Paris Fashion Show, but unfortunately it wasn't by ISIS.
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09-25-2014 14:51
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Can’t believe I grew up for this.

She died doing what she loved......bringing up old sh*t.
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03-23-2014 14:49
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Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
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04-22-2014 10:00
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About to try ordering subway without saying um... Wish me luck!
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06-10-2014 20:46 by snotty
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Remember Snooki? Yeah me neither, it's like she disappeared! That's because she went back to her real name, Danny Devito... 😂

Boss makes a Dollar, I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time
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01-09-2016 19:57
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when did we replace the word “said” with “was like”
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12-13-2013 06:22
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You know it was a good christmas party when the next morning you wake up with tinsel in your ass.
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12-23-2013 12:16 by gwest
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[Me to the 2nd baseman after I slide into base]... Make sure you separate plastics & food waste... [Coach from dugout] NO YOU IDIOT,,, NOT THAT KIND OF TRASH TALK
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05-30-2015 09:50 by snotty
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I don't have tattoos for the same reason I don't have children -- I'm afraid if someone tells me they're ugly, I won't want them anymore.
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06-15-2015 13:52
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So let me get this straight. Hot dogs are the new cancer sticks?
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10-28-2015 20:07 by pimpjuice
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Why can't all cable and satellite companies put the tv stations on the same damn channel??
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01-06-2016 13:39
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Even Vince McMahon thinks nascar races are fake...
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09-11-2013 23:21
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Funerals are so depressing, when I die I want to be fed to a shark or something cool.
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09-29-2013 13:43
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I still stand by my "always judge a man by his neck tattoos" theory.
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10-27-2013 11:21
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