Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon A certain darkness is needed to see the stars.
←Rate | 05-18-2015 12:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's that time of year we need a Frozen Margarita truck. . .
←Rate | 07-16-2014 00:15 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walk of shame? If I can still walk, the shame is yours.
←Rate | 07-25-2014 02:42 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don't google 'old man bond age'
←Rate | 09-24-2014 22:52 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kim Kardashian attacked at the Paris Fashion Show, but unfortunately it wasn't by ISIS.
←Rate | 09-25-2014 14:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can’t believe I grew up for this.
←Rate | 03-18-2014 05:17 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon She died doing what she loved......bringing up old sh*t.
←Rate | 03-23-2014 14:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
←Rate | 04-22-2014 10:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon About to try ordering subway without saying um... Wish me luck!
←Rate | 06-10-2014 20:46 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember Snooki? Yeah me neither, it's like she disappeared! That's because she went back to her real name, Danny Devito... 😂
←Rate | 01-08-2016 22:52 by @kalleygirl Comments (0)  


   messageicon Boss makes a Dollar, I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time
←Rate | 01-09-2016 19:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon when did we replace the word “said” with “was like”
←Rate | 12-13-2013 06:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know it was a good christmas party when the next morning you wake up with tinsel in your ass.
←Rate | 12-23-2013 12:16 by gwest Comments (0)  


   messageicon [Me to the 2nd baseman after I slide into base]... Make sure you separate plastics & food waste... [Coach from dugout] NO YOU IDIOT,,, NOT THAT KIND OF TRASH TALK
←Rate | 05-30-2015 09:50 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't have tattoos for the same reason I don't have children -- I'm afraid if someone tells me they're ugly, I won't want them anymore.
←Rate | 06-15-2015 13:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So let me get this straight. Hot dogs are the new cancer sticks?
←Rate | 10-28-2015 20:07 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why can't all cable and satellite companies put the tv stations on the same damn channel??
←Rate | 01-06-2016 13:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Even Vince McMahon thinks nascar races are fake...
←Rate | 09-11-2013 23:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Funerals are so depressing, when I die I want to be fed to a shark or something cool.
←Rate | 09-29-2013 13:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I still stand by my "always judge a man by his neck tattoos" theory.
←Rate | 10-27-2013 11:21 Comments (0)  




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