Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you're crazy and you know it, shake your meds.

   At the Karma Cafe, there are no menus. You get served what you deserve.

   Which marketing genius at Trident thought that the Latin word for 'three teeth' would be a good name for a sugarless gum?

   Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?

   A guy on the subway couldn't squeeze past everyone to get off, so he yelled, "I think I'm gonna sh*t." Suddenly, people found a way to make room and he stepped off, smiling, and strolled away. Good one, sir.

   Coming with a good status is 3% talent, 97% comes from stealing it from the internet.

   "Get off my lawn!" First native words spoken to Christopher Columbus.

   I think that all P0rn movies could have the exact same title....."Sh t That Will Never Happen to You"

   "In Super Mario, as in life, its Game Over when you get the girl!!!"

   According to google maps there is no such place as Cougar Town, this show is so full of $hit.

   wonders how crowded the Cinco de Mayo parades will be this year throughout Arizona.

   Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. The Internet in a nutshell.

   Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

   Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

   looking for nudist beaches in Google Earth

   I used to call my ex wife 'Treasure.' It wasnt because she was precious to me. It was because everybody kept asking where I dug her up from.

   farts with the sole purpose of making you smell better

   it's hotter than two mice f*cking in a wool sock!

   Attn BP: When this is all over, will the Gulf of Mexico be regular, midgrade or premium?

   I was very ambitious about achieving goals until I learned you can just go to bars and lie to people.