Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I just saved a lot of money by not paying my car insurance bill.

   does not want to be bothered today...just tell everyone I'm hiking on the Appalachian Trail.

   decided to stop listenin to the voices in his head..

   What is it with the absent reference status messages. When people say things like "I can't believe you would do that" or anything with "You know who you are." We don't and frankly, we don't care. It's just you posting your drama filled life up to generate

   I havn't seen it rain this hard since Tim Tebow lost to Alabama...

   thinking she got sick from reading all those statuses of others being sick, next time please cover your statuses when you write...Thank you

   just saw a Prius with that brake problem. It was barreling down the road at speeds exceeding 35 MPH.

   "The greatest ironies of life: having the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right, and finding out that you love someone after that person walks out of your sight ...."

   chick, I wouldn't even poke you with Facebook

   Crazy how people are more worried about getting Avocados then drugs and trafficing

   Black person: Jeans $200, Shirt $100, Shoes $160, pockets.. $0 White Person: Jeans $15, Shirt $20, Shoes $30, pockets $5,000"

   This white girl took me home last night. She wanted me to prove to her what they say about black guys is true....so I stabbed her and took her purse.

   Friends are like a string of Christmas lights. Some are broke, some are burned out, others just don't work for you, a few aren't the brightest, some even need you to untangle the mess they are in..but most of them shine brightest when your day is darkest.

   You'd think a community activist would have a better handle on the economy by now.

   Having one child makes you a parent, having two makes you a referee and having more than two makes you a bouncer!

   3 things I want in a relationship: Eyes that wont cry, lips than wont lie, and love that wont die.

   wants a snuggie made out of sham wow material

   Change is inevitable... Unless your a vending machine

   Sat opposite an Indian lady on the train today , she shut her eyes and stopped breathing. I thought she was dead , until I saw the red spot on her forehead and realised she was just on standby.

   """remember JESUS LOVES YOU... It's everyone else who thinks you're an idiot."""